Now I'm Scared!

The day I became a mother, I wasn't scared. I had done my homework, practically memorizing every book on motherhood I could find and mentally compiling a job description that I was sure I was prepared for. "I can do this," I thought as I looked down at the sweet, wrinkled miracle placed in my arms. "I'm ready." What I didn't know then was that the tiny daughter meeting my gaze had big plans for us, plans that would require a five-year-old's vocabulary and imagination just to express. And so I spent the next few years believing I was a perfectly sufficient mother, blissfully unaware that my child was waiting to submit her own, more colourful version of my job description.

This just in:

Abby's Mother's Job Description (Revised Edition)

• Feed Abby.
• Clothe Abby.
• Teach Abby about life.
• Take Abby on jungle adventures with the purpose of catching a family of monkeys to raise at home.
• Help Abby open "Abby's Restaurant," an establishment that serves spaghetti and lemonade and caters to neighbourhood children under nine.
• Invite all of Abby's friends and relatives for tea and cupcakes in celebration of Bear's birthday. (Note: Bear's birthday falls on Tuesdays and Fridays.)
• Transform Abby's playroom into a theatre and produce "Abby's Swan Lake," starring Abby, everyone Abby knows, and the Alberta Ballet Company.
• Help Abby create a "Hug Machine" for Valentine's Day. (Note: This device dispenses hugs and sends the huggee happily on his way with a balloon through the use of cutting edge "squeaker-squeak" technology.)
• Dye Abby's purple princess dress blue, add sequins and peacock feathers, make the sleeves longer, and attach several more skirt layers, thereby creating a far superior princess dress.
• Show Abby how to make newspapers and ride a bicycle in the snow so that she can get a job as a paper girl.
• Take Abby to Heaven to see where God lives.
• Build Abby a periscope, a treehouse, a swing set, and a three-ring circus.

Now I'm scared!